Further Arguing About My Theory of "What's True"
a spunky post where I play devil's advocate trying (unsuccessfully!!) to debunk my theory
I have, as best I can alone, tested my theory that what’s true is always the answer under many circumstances.
(If you would like to be a sparring partner, I’m open to it. Just be gentle. I like the kind of sparring where I’m reassured every 2 minutes that you love me and think I’m a fabulous genius.)
I’ve run it through several scenarios and played devil’s advocate with it as much as one can when one is both the judge and the prosecutor.
And I still believe that what’s true is always the answer.
This is not to say that speaking what’s true is easy or that what’s true is always well-received. But who can argue with what is true? Who can hate another human if both are living what’s true for them? If you think about it, it’s usually only when what’s true for one person is met with another person’s refusal to look at what’s true for them that truth-speaking goes awry.
If we all meet each other with what’s true for us— like really, deep down, for real true— I just don’t see how we can go wrong.
WHAT’S TRUE plus WHAT’S TRUE always equals THE BEST WE CAN DO. What’s true plus what-we-think-is-true-but-is-maybe-actually-society’s-preference-for-us is not the same thing. What’s true plus what-my-gut-reaction-is-but-is-actually-masking-what’s-true-but-I’m-too-afraid-to-actually-face is also not the same thing.
It’s easy to mistake something that feels true with what the thing that is actually true.
So again, the theory still holds water.
The other argument I’ve had with myself in my head:
→ So just because it’s true I should say it? Sometimes what’s true can hurt people. What about when what’s true is mean?
I think there is always a way to say what’s true without hurting people, because there are always several things that are true at the same time. The thing you’re afraid to say because you don’t want to hurt someone might very well be what’s true for you, but what’s also true is, “I’ don’t think my feelings right now are going to serve what’s best for us, so I feel it’s best not to say anything at the moment.” That is true too.
I’m also really chewing on the consideration that sometimes what’s true might be mean. Is that accurate? I can think of several examples that seem to be true and “mean” at the same time:
The dress she’s wearing is ugly.
I don’t approve of their choice in partner.
I think they handled that situation poorly.
All seemingly true. But all also (potentially) hurtful when said aloud, right?
I’m not so sure. Because I don’t think those things are the most accurate versions of what’s true.
Would it be mean or hurtful to say:
That dress is not something I would choose for myself, but if you feel like yourself, you should totally wear it.
I think I know how to choose a partner for you better than you do, and that’s a me thing, not a you thing.
If I were in that situation, it would have been difficult for me to move forward given how they handled it.
I guess what I’m saying is that sometimes we think we’re saying what’s true, but it’s really just an incomplete version of what’s actually true.
This is the extent of my self-sparring.
What do you think?
When is what’s true not the answer?
Alternatively, think of where you’re struggling or feeling tension in your life right now. Would saying, writing, or doing what’s true help or hurt the situation?
Come spar.